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The Maisano Code: Performance issues

Photo Credit: Cliffview Pilot
Photo Credit: Cliffview Pilot

So it’s club night in the city and my friends want to see some “performance art” beforehand. I figure: “Why not?” I’m all in black, hair perfect, boogie-ready. We end up down front (not like there was a mad rush for seats), and as the music starts some guy walks onstage with a cereal box. He starts stuffing his face with corn flakes ’till his cheeks look Dizzy Gillespie’s. Suddenly a voice yells “FULL!” And this creep spits out the cereal — all over me. Take a guess what this Italian chick did….

I didn’t know it when we walked in, but one of my friends had a mad crush on this guy. So we pay 10 bucks each to squeeze into a little rat hole that didn’t need a microphone for anyone to be heard. I don’t mind intimate theater, but this was like a clown car.

As corn flake creep comes out, a voiceover says: “Maze! Stuffed! Taken from American Indians….”

Maryann Maisano

I’m already annoyed.

Then the stuffing starts.

Next thing I knew, I was front and center, covered in wet corn flakes.

True story: I jumped up, grabbed the box from this prick and whacked him with it.

The story should end with me walking out, but that would mean I learned a lesson. Ha!

Soon after I got flaked, I went to another offbeat event — a “draw-a-thon” in the Village. I’m sitting in the audience with artist friends who are set to sketch, and I’ve got my notebook out, ready to jot down whatever comes to mind.

As the class starts, a man and woman walk onstage. He has a feather sticking out of his appendage and she has lace over her eyes. Other than that, there ain’t a stitch of clothing on either of ’em.

Oh, it gets worse: A woman comes riding through this scene on a baby scooter, YODELING!

She’s followed by some old guy who’s also flying his flag, only his has a ribbon wrapped around it.

I look around for some kind of confirmation, and it seems I’m the only one who thinks this is insane. I felt like Woody Allen in a Fellini movie, wondering: “Is it me or what?”

I realize that all art is subjective, but c’mon. Gimme a break.

No wonder Van Gogh chopped off an ear.

Reviewers have raved about Maryann’s music & standup. She’s opened for Joy Behar and Ray Romano, and has played The Laugh Factory, Broadway Comedy Club and Dangerfield’s. She has a CD out and will be featured on Danny Aiello’s upcoming album, “City of Light.” Judging from the looks of the packed houses, she’ll also be staging plenty more performances with the ITALIAN CHICKS, whose show has been called “part meatball, part cannoli.” For more on Maryann, the group, where they’re performing & how to get tickets, click here: ITALIAN CHICKS . Tell ’em CLIFFVIEWPILOT sent you.

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